HOW TO HEAL FROM ABUSE

It is fundamental and imperative to recognize the signs of illusion, deterioration, and abuse.

In many circumstances of our life we will meet individuals that will project a distorted view of reality. Those that never take accountability for their actions, deceive, mislead, label, and are to the farthest extent misguided in their intentions and nature.

Within every situation, it is abundantly clear that there are many conceptions, observations, and perceived events of what truly is the root of the matter.

Within the layers of the onion, an abuser takes the form of the oppressor, gaslighting their victims into uncertainty by denial of such events. When triangulation ceases to take reign, they move onto what is known as the onion theory.

The onion theory as mentioned has many delicate layers, the furthest away from the core is the abstract reasoning for situated events that the individual will claim is the reasoning for their actions, which then distracts the victim from the root core, which is thus, the individual.

Those that do not take accountability, or fail to recognize their actions as causing harm, or fail to make peace with their past, will forever linger in their constructed cycles, patterns, and distorted reality.

The victim should always be aware that the actions of others has nothing to do with them, and more to do with unhealthy habits or cycles that the perpetrator is unwilling to heal within their own lives.

So often, we try to reason and untangle ourselves from these webs however, there are signs that one must look for when dealing with such individuals that have no remorse or empathy for their actions.

1. They will triangulate — they assert their dominance over a group and select a few specific individuals to give them direction or intel — these individuals are not usually the most intelligent or clever , they are the most easily controlled and malleable to the perpetrator, and are seen as blindly following instruction when those around them get out of the perpetrators perception of control.
2. They will gaslight and distort reality — they make their victims question their reality of whether or not what is happening is truly happening. This game of constant shock and awe keeps the victim in perpetual ptsd and trauma and it then becomes trauma bonding.
3. The perpetrator always maintains control and when the victim decides to get boundaries they exert force because they must maintain authority at all times.

For the victim:
1. Always establish boundaries — when you become aware that you are being talked about behind your back, controlled, being recycled into a state of fear, or you feel the mask has dropped, maintain your stance and retreat as fast as possible.
2. Recognize that you are not the problem — the amount of disaster that is caused by the situation at hand, is a result of unhealed roots and wounds that the perpetrator refuses to heal. The perpetrator will never recognize that they are the problem, and will continue this cycle of abuse onto others far beyond what you could imagine.

There is however a distinction between those that lack empathy, common sense, and that cause harm to others.

One must recognize — is this the true personality of the individual or is this the result of a lifetime of trauma, abuse, ptsd, that has been caused by others which are resulting in actions that are not normally like the person. One must ask, how is their mental health, are they exhibiting early signs of mental illnesses such as dementia which can cause an individual to become of different characteristics or a health related issue such as a heart attack where usually strokes cause individuals to become another temperament.

For any victim, should you ever feel discouraged, not heard, abandoned, experience physical / social / emotional / psychological harm, you have to recognize that, this is not the right environment for you. Be brave to let go, cut your losses and move forward. It is not worth losing your inner peace, stability or precious years over.

Situations that are not for our highest good will make us feel heavy, weighted down, unable to escape, a sense of loss, fear, and we feel we are constantly questioning our reality. You cannot heal in a situation or environment that has made you sick.

Please know, we have to always examine, what is the fundamental lesson? Once you extract the lesson, you are emancipated from the situation and free from the cycle from resurrecting again.

Perpetrators need those they can control, it is not about love, they perceive their victim like cooking dough, that they can mold, shape, and discard at their will.

Not all perpetrators are easy to detect at first however, within time, due to the severity of the situation, others will come forward to warn you or let you know information that you might be ignoring or that has been said about you.

There will always be distortion of events — the victim once they choose to leave, they will become the villain — why? They chose to have boundaries, and exited a situation that was causing them harm.

Perpetrators will always make their victims uncomfortable — for example : they will always entertain another individual that the victim feels uncomfortable with. Or even worse, the perpetrator will begin lies on both sides making it impossible for there to be harmony.

Beyond labels — it is abuse — it should not be tolerated, and it is not the victims fault.

Never allow anyone to state that your experience is not real, or undermine the severity of how it made you feel. Do not be pegged into the narrative of “you are playing the victim” or “victimization.” When you allow others to overtake your experience or story, they are disempowering how the events unfolded or made you feel. You, and you alone, know and recognize your reality, and even though the perpetrator will make you doubt your sanity, always know, a safe environment will always make you naturally feel safe, heard, loved, supported, seen, and it will be free of turmoil.

Statements like “Victimization” or “playing the victim” or “acting as the victim” silences the individual that has experienced the abuse or harm by making fun of their experience. Victimization or victimhood is a result and symptom of a greater root of abuse — victims have every right to heal, feel, and express their feelings in their recovery. Could you imagine screaming at a little child that had just been bullied to get over it? The reality of the situation is, if someone is not allowing you to have authority over your own life, denies you your right to have a voice, or makes you feel deteriorated / small or insignificant, it is not a safe environment.

The more you store deep within unresolved issues , the more it will affect the lives of others around you.

The systematic problem with society is that, many are told to conceal or hide their emotions, bury them, compartmentalize the issue …. Why? over fear of what others will think. The matter at hand is this, no matter if you decide to heal it on day one or day 100, your unresolved issues will have to be healed at one point or another or they fester within the body and become metastatic.

Always examine — is the behaviour of the individual an indicator of a root from another phase of your life that you have not healed? What did it teach you? How did it make you feel? What significant lessons can you extract to help others along their journey?

The universe will give us unlimited opportunities for us to heal and awaken. Why? So that we become better versions of ourselves, heal, make better choices, weed our social garden, and become magnificent strong individuals.

Never allow anyone to take away your worth, value, voice, or disempower you. Always recognize that every situation is an opportunity to heal and that our wounds do not make us weak, they are evidence that we survived trauma or abuse, and are able to learn new methods to heal our soul deep within.

You are not broken, you are now a mosaic, that will be constructed into a stronger foundation going forward. Your fragmented elements now allow the light to go deep within the dark cracks of your life to unveil truths and wisdom to emancipate.