STAMINA

Within the minds eye, we are transported back to times of innocence, reminiscence, precious memories, that stood as a testament of our observations, remembrance, and eclectic lived experiences. How can a memory hold so much power over our existence and transcend time? Why is it when we are near an end of an cycle, or experience the fullest capacity of our senses, that we are drawn to these recollections of a period that can not be changed but has changed us forever?. One often reverts back to a time of innocence when life’s experiences have become too burdensome to endure, an escape for a moment of time when we were not unencumbered with set values, precedence, or ways of being. We could just exist within the moment, without expectation, with no preconceived notions, and live our truth without fear of failure or the unknown. It is to be said that one remains between the two dichotomies of joy and despair, the moment of pure innocence where the experience propels you forward with positive expectations and perhaps despair might emerge when one’s expectations are within the realm of absence of hope for a positive outcome. A moment, a fragment of time, can change a circumstance, what may appear to be a tiny fragment, can morph into a mosaic, and as the saying goes “Inside every acorn is an oak tree ready to come forth.”

Within my early childhood years, I was blessed with a friend from junior kindergarten till grade six who mirrored my soul. He and I both experienced profound loss within our families, were labelled as the other, and our trajectories were viewed as abnormal because we were raised by strong matriarchs. It was a period of non-acceptance, judgment, ridicule, and shame to not have emerged from a normative family unit. Those were unfortunately the times of the past, and most certainly would not have been tolerated within society today. At such a young age due to his Father’s abuse and aggressive reckless lifestyle, this little boy was often left abandoned, despondent and hopeless that life would never offer him a fair hand. He was a child that possessed a great heart, courageous in all his pursuits, fiercely loyal to his family and those he cherished, and above all sought friendships that could withstand the test of time, with one requirement, loyalty. He and I often shared lunches, worked on common assignments together, always paired together in class, debated what life should entail, had a passionate affinity for good food, and both perceived the world as secure however, were cautious of an unknown hit from any direction. We collectively learned the value of true friendship, recognized that the actions of others did not reflect our nature but the nature of others, and had a firm comprehension that family can be found in many different forms i.e. Friendship, partnerships, mentorships, and guardianship. We are not defined by the actions of the past, however, we can always partake in decisions that enable and foster growth, peace, and unity. No matter what the terrain, one must move forward and progress to new levels. Before I delve into the article, I want to make an honourable mention of his Mother as she raised me as her own, and continuously inspired me through her strength as an entrepreneur, societal leader and philanthropist, and a woman with a kind and loving heart. Till this day, through her guidance, lessons, and advice, she is and will always be, an instrumental matriarch within my life, that taught me you can encompass great strength with kindness in all endeavours, and to always remain positive amidst turbulence. She was supportive when my Aunt and Grandmother formally adopted me, and always stated, a family is based on those that are present, loyal, and consistent. Her gnocchi got me through some difficult periods of my life, and among others enabled me to restore my faith back in the divine feminine and masculine, as she encompassed both masculine and feminine traits. One of the stories we always remember is when her son and I were determined to win two cakes at a bake sale. Unfortunately, her son started running with both of our cakes, even though I won one of them, which resulted in us having our epic cake war in the hallway, both of us were covered head to toe in cake, or as some would call “a deal gone bad,” as we both promised that if one was to receive the desired cake that the other wanted, we had to pass it over, however, children will be children. It was one of the best memories of my childhood because it was a period of play, childhood pranks, and pure presence that all that mattered was the moment, rather than the mess. Our truce was the moment we both fell and started to just engage in innocence, the mess was epic. What is the point of cake without a story? The cake solidified our allegiance for years to come.

Our elementary school was very privileged, vast extracurricular activities, placed high importance on socialization and the arts, resourceful, technologically proficient for its time, modern facilities, and support services for students who required extra attention such as tutoring, ESL, or to foster continued growth. Words can not express how many occasions we would travel to science centres, museums, performances, engage in gardening on school grounds or abroad, or take daily trips to learn manufacturing processes, or to enjoy a day by the lake or the zoo. Many children that were enrolled came from affluent families where it was expected to fit into a certain role of a nuclear family model, and most importantly not be different. At this period of time, our Catholic school had a supposed wonderful illusionary reputation however, within the walls, it was torture, and felt often like a prison. Unfortunately our grade was very disorderly, disorganized, and the children required boundaries within all aspects of their childhood, however, the teachers sought to divide and conquer. Our Catholic school system was very regimented, and if you did not follow the code, you were disciplined, ostracized, or punished. As you could imagine, one had to have a survival mentality to endure many years at this school, and even present day, I know many adults that have undergone intense therapy after what they had experienced (Out of respect for their privacy, I will not be mentioning their torment that they suffered). Regularly, it was normal for parents to immediately pull out their students due to teachers engaging in unwanted aggression on their students, or the failure to educate because it interrupted or interfered with socialization, travel, or philanthropic efforts. Without spiraling into the atrocities, I will lightly state, bullying was encouraged, and those that pushed back or fought against being ostracized, isolated, or shamed for whatever illusionary reason were seen as troublemakers who did not “turn the other cheek.” Once you were defined as not fitting within the norms of this school, you developed a reputation as “thinking differently,” and were never given a chance. Our grade in particular switched allegiances often, and at that period of time, the victims were blamed while the perpetrators were ignored. On many occasions, I witnessed, many classmates verbally and physically assaulting one another, and one had to ask, “Where did this stem from?.” The school was dysfunctional in a myriad of ways, and till this day, it still remains, but has now a reputation of torture, deceit, and often many claim the land is insidious as many children endure the same internal pain, experiences, and the cycle continues. Spiritually speaking, it requires more than a good sage. Beyond the experiences, as a child, one always remains hopeful, resilient, persistent, and perseveres despite the obstacles until it becomes enough.

Throughout my early elementary experience, I was the target of unwanted intentional harassment, bullying, routine torture at the emotional and psychological level, and abused. In Grade Six, the abuse reached its peak as many students were aware that I was claustrophobic however, felt it was necessary to teach me a lesson of their dominance, as I did not conform to their tactics or surrender, so a group of my classmates decided to lock me in a portable during recess. At this period of time you could somehow lock the doors from within so that if a key was used, it would not open properly, so the more I attempted to open the door, the worst the situation was. The situation was humorous for the bullies, however, inside the confines of the portable, I was fearful what was to occur next. I could not breathe. This was my defining moment of where I recognized the cycle was becoming out of control. I paged the main office, and requested that a custodian come to help me in my time of need however, the office felt it was a prank so they did not take the request seriously. As time passed, I could feel that I was not going to be let out. Divinely sent, our main custodian was returning from his lunch break, recognized that there was a disturbance at the portables, and rushed to stop what was transpiring. Within 10 minutes, he was able to physically remove the students from the stairs leading up to the portable on one side, smashed the window as he was not able to open the door, crawled through the window, opened the door once he was inside as he understood the portable locks, and was concerned, as he found me near the chalkboard not able to breathe, and escorted me to the principals office to report what occurred. As I walked past students that I grew up with since infancy, it was like I did not recognize who they had become. The principal wanted to press charges on the students as the custodian found matches, however, one could never know their true intention of what they had planned for that day or for another. My last memories of that event were students being called to the office, it was a long list, and their parents when they had to confront my Mother could not even look at her in the eye due to the shame their children placed on their family name. The principal wanted to press charges, however, they were considered minors, and told that they would have to enrol in educational courses to mitigate future disobedience or abuse to another student. Suffice it to say, it was a bittersweet day of emancipation, I felt that I had no worth or value, and thankfully as a child I was able to overcome that experience. As a response, my Mother immediately pulled me out of the school, and enrolled me in another school which did not tolerate any forms of abuse or negative behaviour, and placed high importance on scholastic achievement, and within the span of two years, it shaped me into the strong woman I am today. Recovery from bullying does not occur immediately, but with incremental persistence on placing more faith in your future rather than remaining in your past, you are able to move forward with confidence, love, and acceptance for all. Our life experiences do not have to define us, and we do not have to allow a recycled outdated cycle dominate our life. Many of you are wondering, what happened to those children in their early teens or adult years? The answer: Many changed their ways however, a few assaulted students within their high school years, which led to them being charged, and relocated to a school that focused on youth that required interdisciplinary teams of mental health professionals who collaborated to create treatments for those that caused harm to others within the ages of twelve to eighteen.

We all have choices within life, and the cycle of abuse will persist if we do not foster an anti-bullying policy within all facets of society. We cannot walk the journey for others, but we can place high importance on how we respond and react to situations that are within our realm of control. What we resist persists, and if what we resist is change, the universe will enable opportunities for change to occur. We do not have to endure suffering, torment, ridicule, or any form of abuse, it is not our destiny or purpose to be submerged in an environment that is not nurturing, safe, or supportive. Once you learn your boundaries, your tolerance level, and what you allow or accept, you then will gain the self-confidence to move towards environments that foster peace, love, and acceptance for all. Change begins with you at all periods of time.

Please note, beyond my experience during elementary school, I support all Catholic and Christian educational institutions that promote the love of God, forgiveness, and that foster and enable strong communities that promote family, friendship, peace, and coexistence. My situation was unfortunately an anomaly, a cautionary tale of how bullying can spiral out of control when the perpetrator does not receive their desired reaction. My experience could have occurred at any other location (public, private, or another religious school) however, dependant on the actors, motives, or what was being accepted or adopted as misguided truth meaning enabling bullying to foster at an unprecedented rate is a false representation of what true Catholicism and Christianity stand for. We can not blame a religion for what teachers, or parents were enabling within their students or children — we have no way of knowing what occurs behind closed doors or what was instructed during that period of time, many school subscribed to different ideologies or norms of treatment, what many adopt as “normative behaviour,” might be classified as abuse by others. We have to remain mindful of what children, teenagers, and adults are learning, adopting, accepting because education is the beacon of hope to promote peace, unity, and prosperity.

Bullying, whether it is in the form of physical, mental, emotional, or psychological assault or abuse, is aggressive unwanted behaviour that is intentional that is acted out by a perpetrator upon a victim that they want to control, destroy, or dismantle. When another causes internal or external pain, injury, makes one question their life or if their life holds value to remain in, causes discomfort, or becomes burdensome, it becomes an act of repetitive unwanted assault that demonstrates an imbalance of power, control, and the erosion of a secure and safe environment. Bullying can occur either through personal interactions on a daily basis within public or the private confines of one’s home, or can be demonstrated through online harassment or unwanted attention.

Throughout my existence I have been an anti-bullying advocate, and have learned through anti-bullying education and coalitions, methods and techniques, to help others who have or are enduring repetitive unwanted contact or abuse. One of the best programs that I became enrolled in, and eventually became a volunteer, was a program called Kids-4-Kids, which established a safe, neutral and nurturing environment which fostered a community effort to reeducate, rehabilitate, and restore faith within those that have experienced severe bullying by either a child, teenager, adult, or stranger. It enabled children and young adults to share their lessons, experiences, and wisdom with others without judgment. No matter what the circumstance you might have encountered, it is imperative that one never becomes despondent within life, because once you recognize that you can not heal within environments that caused you to become a different version of yourself meaning shamed, demoralized, disillusioned, or has taken your cortisol on a roller coaster ride through primal fear, one has to recognize that when you do not feel secure, it is not in alignment for you. You become the target of their projection, and many often sugar coat the experience as “not that bad,” or “kids will be kids,” to dismantle any criticism one might have about how the victim was not helped in their critical time of need. What must be examined is, what is at the core root of perpetrators for their consistent need to dominate, control, gaslight, or destabilize their victim. One must ask, is it a genetic trait? Learned patterned behaviour? Survival mindset? Wolf mentality of hunting the prey or as they say “feed them to the wolves,” or is a psychological disconnect or no social awareness of their actions? Or could it possibly be no consequence for their actions? The need for stronger boundaries? Without judgement, blame, or a place of anger, if we do not have a reformation within the educational system to not enable this type of dishonourable conduct, it will proceed into their adulthood, and their victims will live a life questioning, “What more they could have done to curtail the situation.” Imbalance of power, manipulation, corruption, repetitive abuse at any level should not be tolerated.

Within schools, the most effective form of education for the anti-bulling effort is often many officers will volunteer or dedicate their time to attend classrooms to speak about positive behaviour psychology, which encourages and enables group awareness and efforts, and provides lived experience feedback and shared stories for students at their level of comprehension. Why is this important? It is the foundational education which teaches the youth that there are better methods to deal with your anger, to become mindful and aware of your actions, to recognized that you can not be reactionary and lash out at another, or most importantly, not set into motion intentional harm on another. No matter what the source or core root of bullying may be, prevention is more effective than reacting once a situation has hit its limit. To every parent, guardian, sibling, friend, teacher, mentor, or stranger that promotes peace, I thank you for your service and dedication for ensuring a safer community and environments. No amount of physical force will ever result in a positive outcome, and when we learn more effective techniques to help the future generations, we foster collaboration, integration of new methodologies, and engage in more empathetic and compassionate approaches for the victims involved. When we refrain or disengage from situations which cause our existence turmoil, we take back our power, sovereignty, and value our inner peace. Foster and nurture alliances and allegiances with those that enable you to become the best version of yourself, that promote coexistence, tolerance, and support your recovery, purpose, and vision at every interval.

Placing more emphasis on peaceful coexistence enables one to honour different opinions, ideologies, beliefs, perspectives, with a responsibility, agreement, and commitment for mutual respect, integrity, and equality. When we engage in growth mindset, with mindfulness that we may not recognize and see beyond the periphery, we remove the veneer of acceptance for causing pain, and place more emphasis on recovery, rehabilitation, and a renewed sense of purpose and worth. To encourage pacifism rather than aggression enables both parties to reach peaceful resolutions, evaluate the sequence of events, and refrain from belligerent or irrational responses. Within time, and it will require collective effort, we can reach a state of peace when we as a collective recognize the signs of disunity, hate, and abuse. There is no justification for hurting or harming another, and when we engage in resolution we seek solutions rather than judgement. For instance, if a perpetrator has only experienced turmoil, warfare mindset, destruction, and devastation, they will seek no solution for peace because they are within the realm of survival mindset, however, on the other spectrum, if they encounter one that looks to seek the core root, it then changes the frequency to mitigate rather than punish. At periods of time, all that a situation requires is education where a response can demonstrate where another went wrong to rectify it, so that it will not occur again. Only through discipline, in the most rational manner, do we acknowledge how our actions impact another, which may result in consequences. Please note, trauma impacts another on a profound level beyond the experience, and if not treated can cause an individual to sequester from life, lose hope, or even worse, close themselves off from unconditional love and acceptance. Our words, actions, thoughts, and movements can never be recoiled or reversed. At every interval of life, remain vigilant and mindful of your actions, to enable a positive future for generations to come. Sympathy, respect, empathy, and compassion are not signs of weakness, they represent strength, and they emerge from a high intelligent state of awareness, with an inner knowing that peace is not without disturbance but the ability to rise above it.