THE ESSENCE OF TIME

It is essential to value the gift of time. Value self-transcendence and be self-focused on your recovery. Discover yourself, value fundamental liberties and freedoms, while acknowledging the essence of the time you have been given. Do not be displaced by projecting yourself into the future, to the detriment that you do not appreciate the present state of affairs. Always value presence, it is our true power.

There is a dichotomy within time, although metaphysical, on the physical plain, there are two contrasting paramount views. 1. Those individuals who are bestowed the gift of youth, innocence, faculty of wonder, and have infinite amount of time and energy to develop the self. 2. Those individuals that no longer have their youth, time or energy, who may resent time lost, time wasted, or the sequence of life’s trajectories of what they may not have been afforded in their youth such as wealth, education, travel, or forced to grow up before their time, but now have been blessed to have the ability to do all that they planned, but may not have the energy or health due to age or illness. The cycle of life, can be one of either harmony or disharmony dependant on our life choices we partake in or circumstances beyond our control. Some might call adventurous individuals frivolous, spontaneous with a risky scorpion nature, or may be perceived as being reckless with their risks. While on the other side of the pendulum, others might place judgement on those that are more conservative, calculated, and careful with their decisions, or approaches to life’s circumstances — for example those that spend their time with an accurate, measured, or defined to a science model or plan of what constitutes as valuable or normative. To them, their importance resides in being upstanding or accepted, and may always perform in a correct ordained manner, to be accepted as a valuable citizen. What defines a valuable citizen? Who defines these terms? Is this an illusion? The ideal citizen? Do we have to sacrifice our happiness of what we may want to be accepted? If we are not accepted for who we are, is that truly love or unity? But what if we integrated an approach that could blend both magnificent approaches of the cautious and adventurous? Some will claim that an individual is devalued if they do not achieve or engage in certain normative goals, achievements, or if they do not create what is perceived as a valuable legacy. It is those that remain outside the margins that are casted off as irrelevant, non conformist, the dreamers, or unruly however, what if that judgement is misguided? Where is this judgement stemming from? What if it was acceptable or allowed to colour outside the lines from time to time, after all, broken crayons still colour do they not? Creative expression is the essence of life and a wonderful expression of time through imagination. Oftentimes, there will be a misguided representation that if you do not meet standards you are then defined as narcisstic, self absorbed, or that you defy social convention, however, who sets this trompe-l’œil illusionary standards? Defying what others expect or to nurture what you internally want to achieve or need is not selfish, it is self preservation. What one places importance on may not be what another finds valuable, and that is acceptable and does not require permission to proceed. We as humans are unique with different perspectives, visions, modes and methods of what constitutes us as a whole, without variety where would we find culture? There is no set parameters to define a problem , so why do we place ourselves in this narrow margin of time and life? Nature is not constrained, why should be place the pressure of conformity on ourselves? There is no set model of what is right, we are consciousness rising. Time is what we make of it, and through our experiences we create memories which adds not only to the tapestry of our existence but evolutionary speaking makes us into stronger versions of ourselves. Give yourself the permission to define your life on your own terms and give yourself the option to navigate and move primarily on what is of highest importance to you. Only you know and recognize what is for your highest and greatest good.

Cherish the time you are given in the present moment. Oftentimes, many will state, “I can not afford the time,” or “I am not able to set aside or sequester the funds to travel due to obligations or cost,” “It is naive to place me first,” or “I am not young, I can not drop everything and do the things I want,” … my answer : “Why not.?” I would like everyone to reflect on this situation, one will then squander small sums of money on artificial irrelevant goods that depreciate in value and incur multiple expenses over time for upkeep … only to be disposed of for a “better model,” instead of placing importance on saving for cultural experience, recovery, or education. Our education, recovery process, and learning needs to be of high value in this lifetime. We can only learn through experience. Venturing out of our comfort zone, to become cultural, worldly, makes us not only elegant in our approach but inspires. I once had a dear friend who I was honoured to give a reading to. He was confused and concerned about his life path and his partner’s questionable nature and materialistic shallow actions. Although altruistic at his core, he had to endure many hardships, and constantly make many sacrifices in the line of duty. This was a man who clearly stated to me that “He did not require all the trappings, and would be happy just in a cottage, with a recliner surrounded by very little in nature.” He valued his inner peace which was not always an option within his profession. This was a man that did not have meals prepared for him, and it was evident that throughout his lifetime he was selfless in nature, without asking for anything in return. This example demonstrates the essence of what can occur when we place too much importance on sacrifice or materialistic needs, and not enough for what we truly require which is time, recovery, compassion, someone to make you dinner after a long day, or a modicum of compassion. Those that have love, those that have support, those that have their health, those that experience safety or are rooted in who they are the richest individuals in the world — money can not buy time, health, or make you a better human being. It is the moments of true connection that we find our true wealth. I am not placing judgement on anyone who places high importance on material items, I am just implying that many will not recognize the sacrifices it took to achieve that status , they just see the end result and at the end of the day, our items do not define us, our actions do. This man stood out in my construct for many months, all he wanted and craved was peace within his life, although he valued routine and due diligence however, was being criticized for continuing in a profession he excelled at — hero to many however, at times, temporarily governed by what individuals who he sought council in with hidden agendas demanded of him. This man I am proud to say defied what others expected of him, and despite his age, remained humbled and still is a pillar in leadership guiding future generations who will one day be placed in the same situations he has encountered. Age does not define you, what you allow to infiltrate within your mind does. Age should not be a restriction of what you can or can not accomplish. For instance, some graduate University within three years others may take longer, others will never see the invisible barriers of why someone may take a lengthy time due to family, illness, caring for a loved one, or unforeseen circumstances , yet society will call them lazy, encourage them to give up the degree or make judgements that they are resisting life, the point is, it does not matter how you format your education, it is however important that you never give up and remain consistent. Even in healing, remain consistent, navigate the waves of uncertainty, see it through. Whatever your life situation may be, do not be defined by another.

There is a narrative that many do not enjoy the present moment out of fear that individuals will then “Need or require something” or “Want to extract essential elements from their character, time, life, or connections,” therefore, they will push away any compassion out of fear that there is a hidden motive. To live in fear of life, to always question your security, is to imprison yourself within a restrictive bell jar. We will encounter many disappointments, disasters, unexpected turbulence or turmoil that will test our endurance, patience, or perception however, if you give those situations infinite power to monopolize your progress, you will then become stagnated in a time period that was once represented lessons for growth or regressiveness, and will fail to see the importance of the precious time of the now.

Education equates and enables self dependency, when we learn from others, gain experience from other cultures or learn about other civilizations we then adopt new modes of thinking and methods to perform life and tasks. Education promotes stability, societal development, enables us to take on challenges and new ventures with confidence. When we set goals, we then have a sense of purpose and accomplishment from our discoveries, experiments, and journeys. Even on a restricted budget, venture outside of your comfort zone, to another community or town, learn new modes of being, and learn from strangers outside of your profession. Travel enables emanicipation from what constrains us, to give us a fresh perspective, to take a breath, to recover and rejuvinate. The more you place high importance on veering out of or departing from your normative path, the more you will allow spiritual expansion and adventure within. When we adopt new modes of spiritual, social, physical, or cognitive ways of doing or are open to new environments it enables unlimited possibilities for self discovery. To experience metamorphosis we must let go of the fear of uncertainty to allow great and natural transformations to occur. You have been given the precious gift of time, use it wisely by utilizing your wisdom and knowledge from various circumstances. The importance of learning, education, at any stage of your life — it does not have to be curtailed just after high school graduation, some might require real life experience before they settle on the major decisions of what they want to aspire to be, others often live the dreams of their parents or what is expected of them. If you freely or carelessly give up your life for another at the cost of your own happiness, that is not only imprisonment but the cost is to expensive to bear.

Be careful and precious with your time, avoid trompe-l’œil situations in all facets of your life. Recognize and realize who are there for you. If you are seen as transactional, disposable, or temporary, meaning you are not defined as worthy, valued, friend, or family, extract yourself from the situation. During my recovery from rape, I entrusted an individual with my care, I opened my heart and soul bearing what hurt me internally, seeking friendship and assistance to live in peace externally when internally I was engulfed with trauma and fear. Oftentimes, we will meet spiritual “healers,” (Yes, I use “healers” lightly, we need discernment with this term as not everyone deserves this title), mentors, teachers, or faux amis that will view us as an ends to the means … how? One word, they see us as transactional, annuities, that will give the illusion that they are safe, constant, and are a harbour of metaphysical advice however, once your recovery is creating space and room for expansion, or you start to heal at an accelerated rate … will then unfortunately try to diminish your efforts by stating that they were never really in your corner, speak ill about your situation, manufacture an illusion where they define you as part of their family or close friend network, only to recognize you were just a dollar value to their business model, or a mere insignificant client or member. How did I come to this realization? Through instinct, observation, and hurtful phrases. You will always know if you were truly meaningful when you remove yourself from the situation and cease any further transactions monetarily wise. If they allow you to leave with ease, your existence or presence was not respected or meaningful to them to salvage. We learn through others actions. Consider it a blessing when the mask drops. Seeking assistance from those that want to maintain future dependant clients instead of independent strong warriors will not only stagnate your life and progress but will fragment the essence of your being. Be careful who you entrust your secrets, energy, time with, when you invest in yourself through healing maintain a healthy boundary for what you hold sacred so that it cannot be used against you. Maintain your power by not giving into illusionary shallow words, commitments, agreements or promises. Faux amis will betray, waste the essence of your life, will not celebrate your achievements or milestones, and will drain your life-force due to jealousy and resent. When you abstain from derailment from others, it emancipates you to flourish in your path, you can not allow another to obscure your healing process or to define who you are as a person, only you can define your life and stand in your true power, no one can do this for you. Stand with moral conviction with a bright moral compass. The true litmus test of a false friend is when you are in dire need of support or assistance they will cut you off to be stranded while giving the illusion that they are there “In spirit.” Do not be fooled. Once the patina of the illusionary friendship deteriorates always remember that tarnish will not damage the silver’s consistency beneath however, beware of those that are corrosive as they will erode your layers of what makes you moral, pure, and just. Do not become malleable like metal. Always remember, a severed relationship could have been divine or universal protection, endings often lead us to crucial lessons, elevation of our awareness of life, and serve as beacons to illuminate our path for ourselves and others. Do not accept those that state “In your attempts of recovery,” this is a coercive controlling technique to make you feel that you are not progressing when you are healing at an accelerated rate which they can not handle. Do not allow others to define you, or alter your integrity. Follow your own internal compass of what you know is your true moral judgement. If you sustain the illusion of false friendships, you then set the standard for betrayal mindset, which will provide you with individuals that adopt mercenary mindset meaning not loyal to family, friends, or cherished moral beliefs. Set standards and boundaries, as your time is valuable and precious and should not be wasted on those that seek destruction for mere pleasure. Place importance on valuing your experiences for our lessons constitute our existence and set as a navigational tool to decipher other situations we may encounter.

The importance of giving to others. Time can be the defining moment in another’s life. Throughout my developmental years, my family placed high importance on my education, culture, languages, travel, and arts. Within our family network, due to my Mother being a designer, she constructed elaborate costumes, masks, and evening attire for individuals within the theatre and for milestone events such as weddings, galas, and stores. Being a very artistic old soul interested in antiquity, learning, performances, and music, my Mother always ensured that I would be surrounded by the magic and brilliance of art in motion whether it was performances, museums, shows, ballets, or operas. One evening, there was a severe snow storm that erupted unexpectedly during a performance of the Phantom of the Opera, during the intermission my Mother would allow me to buy one special gift from the gift shop on the firm understanding that I earn the money prior through various chores to learn the importance and value of money. I earned $100.00, and at that period of time, it was a lot of money to purchase a theatrical mask for my bedroom. My Mother wanted me to acknowledge the value of money, and wanted me to not be expectant or spoiled, so through chores over several weeks I recognized the effort and time it took to achieve my goal. Fate had another lesson in store for myself at such a young age of seven. The theatre in downtown Toronto was surrounded by wall to ceiling glass — unfortunately there was a homeless man sitting in the snow storm freezing with bare feet without shoes. For me, it was my first recognition of poverty and suffering. I will never forget holding the mask in my hands, and looking outside at that man in the cold. Deep within my heart it bothered me … the man was elderly, with no support, and the look on his face was pure deflation and defeat. I placed the mask down, and told my Mother and her friend that I was going to look at other objects near where that man sat however, what they did not know is that I wanted to use the door many used to go outside to smoke to give the man my money. As a child, we have no comprehension of the value of money, however, we do recognize right from wrong, I approached him with other adults staring at him in judgement and I sat down beside him. I will never forget how cold it was, I felt like my stockings were going to stick to the cement. I remember asking him “Are you hungry?,” “Why are you outside?,” “Where are your shoes?” He immediately told me that he had not had a meal in a while and that his shoes were stolen the day before. Without question, I felt he needed the money more than I did, so I gently got up, placed the money in the cup, and gave him a hug. My Mother’s friend had followed me silently outside, observing everything, yanked me by the arm yelling and screaming at me for leaving the theatre and admonished me for giving money to the old man. It created a huge disturbance and scene. He then instructed me to stand still, literally went to the cup and took the money out, and the other money fell to the floor in the process …. I felt sick. I remember screaming “That is my money!” To which he stated “NO, it is your Mothers! What does a child know about $100.00?” … my Mother had realized that I was outside, and immediately stopped her friend from his misguided actions. I remember she softly said to him “She earned this money over two months, it is hers, she earned it through chores to purchase a gift for her room,” and gave it back to me. I then proceeded to place it back in the mans cup. My Mother was speechless, she did not know the reasoning about why the money was taken away by her friend but soon realized the error in his ways. I walked back towards them and I thought that she was going to ground or punish me, everyone was staring, I felt like I was being punished for doing something right in my mind, but then my Mother simply said “Is that what you want to do with your money?,” “Are you sure?,” I remember crying because I was so upset and said “Yes, he has no shoes, he has no one to take care of him… he is hungry, he is cold, and I wanted to help and he took the money out of the cup,” my Mother said to me “$100.00 is a lot of money, are you sure?,” and I said “I have you, what would you do if I did not have shoes?,” and “You give money to people on the street all the time, how is this different?” my Mother stood for a long period of time, but it was the first time she ever said to me as a young child that “She was proud of me,” she always told me that she loved me, she always told me that she supported and encouraged every decision I made but I felt she recognized that I would always chose what I felt was right. She said “You are growing up!” That evening, she tried to buy me a mask, however, I knew that I could earn more at a later date. It was the first time that as a child I recognized the dismissiveness and cruelty of others. Suffice it to say, we never spoke to that friend again. Children are innocent, they can recognize happiness, sadness, pain, suffering, however, as adults we tend to overlook others and place judgement. Suffice it to say, I am grateful that my Mother encouraged me to make my own decisions, however, she always stated that every decision might have a consequence. We always talk about that evening, and for the young age of seven, I truly felt that my priorities were in the right place. My Mother decided to buy the man food and shoes instead of returning back to the play. Time is the most precious commodity that we can provide for another, to place importance on another’s human existence over artificial items is true human connection. We may never know if we may be on the other side of luck, we must never take for granted the privilege that we have been blessed with within life. It does not make us weak to give to another, it enables us to become more compassionate within our nature. Essentially, we need to drop the veneer or illusion that we are above others, all human life is worth helping and saving. Always be altruistic in nature, your actions will define your character.

The gift of love is timeless. As humans we need to value connection. Connection does not have to lead to permanent situations such as marriage or common law, it can be the defining moment of giving your attention, patience, compassion, and company through time. When I first met my vibrant Irishman Michael he was a true benevolent typhon, a maverick of his time, someone who always envisioned forward momentum, he was the pure definition of a rolling stone not collecting moss, with a zest for life. He was a very established attorney, one that many feared to go up against in court, a quick intelligent mind with a compassionate heart that was open for adventure, and touched many hearts through his altruism and kindness. When he and I met, it was a meeting of the minds. He was diabolical, always engaging in shenanigans, and enabled me to adopt a fluid mindset to be in the moment, love with an open heart, and to eradicate fear from my daily experiences. Although Michael has passed I want to share fundamental life lessons and wisdom he taught me. 1. Go for it. 2. Invest in your dreams, ambitions and vision. 3. Fight for what matters to you. 4. Indulge yourself. When you make yourself a priority and place high importance on your mental health and physical wellbeing while giving yourself the permission to spoil yourself from time to time you live life. 5. Travel, tomorrow is not guaranteed, do not live your life through pictures from magazines or others, experience it for yourself. 6. Aquaint yourself with historical books, antiquity, arts, and food, learning from others experiences makes us stronger mentally. 7. Place a ring on it, if you can not imagine your life without it, do not let it slip through your fingers — he mentioned this to me during his proposal. 8. You must always support Notre Dame football. No exception. Michael was more than my fiancé, he was my best friend and confidant who I was able to truly be myself with. He fostered and created a safe nurturing environment that enabled us to both have freedom and growth and our sanctuary was watching old black and white movies such as the Thin Man. He was seeking his adventurous Myrna Loy with an “Unconventional demeanour, elegance, felinity, femininity, that spoke her mind, valued her independence, encouraged her partners strengths, but remained true to herself.” And essentially, our chemistry was based on a strong foundation of friendship where we maintained open communication and our love was based on a secure and firm knowledge of complete acceptance. We were essentially two old karmic souls, who just like Nick and Nora engaged in countless adventures, shenanigans, and debauchery in the most innocence sense. Michael taught me the value of time, to value the moments and memories that we create with a loved one. Always seek a partner that is never in a rush, that accepts your imperfections purely, that understands the complexities of life, and makes room for you. We must always value indulging in some of life’s pleasures, it is to be open to all senses, to feel, to experience. To fall in love with another’s mind is to integrate their perspectives and to be open to new modes, paths, or methods to experience life. Life is too short to be uncertain to another, when you meet your enigma, your soul expands to new unprecedented heights. Michael was a creature of comfort, although very extroverted he valued his privacy and personal space, I am honoured and grateful for this man, for he opened my heart and mind to acknowledge what true love is and set a standard for unity. We can all benefit from Nick and Nora Charles who exchanged sharp and smart repartee while consistently encouraging the other. To be free, is to be yourself, and to share that path with another is true partnership.

Be strong in every pursuit, and always value the essence of time for it is a precious gift, a commodity that is priceless and should be cherished at every interval of your existence. You, and you alone, set the standards and the definition of a just life. Love yourself without limitations, your life is valuable, and through your experiences you shape others paths. You are the difference that is needed. Never give up on yourself.